i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
