Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
