Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
