after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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