Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pappa wants mamma naked
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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