she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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