I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
