Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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