I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize