I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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