remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
