I cockslap morals
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
