I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
