If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
