dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
