i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
