***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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