I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize