Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
