I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
