FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
