It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
