Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
