trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
