I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
