ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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