God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
