Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
