So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
