I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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