my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
