so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
