Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
