quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
