he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize