I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
