how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
