Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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