Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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