shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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