Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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