I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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