you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
