Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
