Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
