Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You pole danced in your parka.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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