I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
