8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
