if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
