now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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