Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what day is it and did you see me today?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
