Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
