There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize