they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
