i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
