i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
