My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i've created a new STD.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
