so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
