okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have demons in me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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