Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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