I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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