she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
