singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
