why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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