I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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