I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
