I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize