woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
